Matricide by Ceinwen E. Cariad Haydon

(CN / TW: child abuse, verbal abuse, strong language, violence)

Slag. Again.
Again. Tonight,
because I walked home
barefoot, shoes in my hands,
in the hot dust of August,
blistered and burnt out.

I didn’t mean to, mother –
if only you hadn’t.
Used goods. Again.
Again. I disgust you.
I know. Tramp. Again.
Again. My lad dumped me,
to go with another lass.
One who would.

I didn’t mean to mother –
If I hadn’t tried so hard.
Slattern. Again.
Again. Said no for you,
and lost him. For good and all.

I’d walked home barefoot,
I wouldn’t let him. Again.
Again. Dirty whore.
Jealous, are you?
Of my wet cunt? My youth?
I’ll teach you. Again.
You smacked my lusting mouth.
If you hadn’t – Again.
If you’d hugged me. Don’t worry.
Never. Never. Sweetheart. Never.
I might have walked away from you,
you might still be here,
my hands free of your sticky blood.

Ceinwen E. Cariad Haydon lives in Newcastle-upon-Tyne and writes short stories and poetry. She has been published on internet sites and in print. She is currently completing her MA in Creative Writing (Newcastle University). She came to writing late, (it took a while to come through other stuff), and intends to grow old disgracefully because she embraces being slightly bonkers.

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